The Stack-A-Tree Limited Edition has arrived

With the festive season upon us, we reached out to one of the unsung heroes of the holidays to help us tell you about our latest limited edition: The Stack-A-Tree Edition. The following comes to us from Douglas, a surly spruce tree from Evergreen Acres Christmas Tree Farm in Londonderry, Vermont. Take it away, Doug!

When these toilet paper people first came calling, I gotta admit I was sceptical. Sure, I’ve heard them bragging about saving all kinds of trees — I get those funny emails, too — but I couldn’t help but wonder: when are they going to do something for us, the decorative trees? Year after year, you maniacs drag us into your living rooms, weigh us down with your doodads and whatnots, forget to water us, and for what? Just to kick us to the curb come New Year’s Day? Have some respect!

Anyway, that’s when these TP people start telling me about their new Stack-A-Tree Edition: 48 festive, eco-friendly rolls of 100% bamboo toilet paper, designed to pile up like a fir tree (hold the tree) — ornaments and all. It’s an eco-friendly Christmas miracle! Need convincing? Alright then, here’s my pitch (no pun intended):

The low-waste Christmas tree

You wanna talk about the white elephant in the room? Between the packaging, the excess wrapping and all of us trees, the festive season produces a lot of waste. That’s why I love these rolls — they help reduce deforestation, do double duty as gift wrap and make great sustainable holiday decorations and stocking stuffers. Besides, dragging a dead tree to the dumpster is a pretty crap way to kick off your new year.

Miss me with the mess

Listen, I know I smell amazing — it’s kind of my whole thing. But my sentimental scent comes with a cost: namely, needles and sap all over your carpet. My advice? Stack up some good quality toilet paper and buy a scented candle instead. 

Stay out of the crawl space

Do you really want to dig those old holiday decorations out of the attic? Nothing good has ever happened in a crawl space. Let Stack-A-Tree’s holiday in a box deck your halls in style in a snap, and save yourself a world of hurt. 

Keep your bum off my branches

Take it from me, an actual Christmas tree: we’re not exactly known for our versatility. Ever tried wiping your bum with a dehydrated scotch pine? I wouldn’t advise it. On the other hand, this big box of bamboo rolls will keep your bathroom shelf stocked long after you’ve finished singing “Auld Lang Syne”. 

Cut costs, not trees

I know it’s gauche to talk about money this time of year, but the facts are the facts – Christmas trees cost a pretty penny. You have to buy toilet paper anyway, so why not get a festive box that doubles as a tree? You’ll save money and my cousins, and it’s a neat way to add some jolly to the guest bathroom.

On behalf of Christmas trees everywhere, don’t dawdle: order your own Stack-A-Tree Edition while the getting’s good.