How to make better small talk

I’ve forgotten how to socialise. I was okay at it once, oscillating between questions like, “I hear it’s meant to be hot tomorrow,” and, “Do you think aliens exist?” But after months of quarantining as an introvert, I’m frankly a little more than rusty. 

Now that Melbourne is open (for now), the bars are back, and small talk with strangers is unavoidable.  Not to mention, with many of us still experiencing lockdowns around the world, answering the same questions on a Monday morning is getting a little tired. How many different ways can you say you watched 8 episodes of Love Island, then fought with your cat?

So whether you’re at the bar, or are days away from turning your living room into one, let’s shake up our small talk together with these dos and don’ts.

Do start with a compliment to break the ice.

A sincere compliment helps people feel comfortable and opens them up. It makes them feel good, which is something the best small talkers are pros at. When offering up a compliment, make it specific to the person you’re talking to and show them you’ve been paying attention. Bonus points if it’s not about their clothes.

At your Monday morning work meeting, instead of saying “I like your top” try, “Your performance on the weekend gave me goosebumps.”

Don’t ask about work.

Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it should be the go-to. Work questions can leave people feeling pigeon-holed and can appear opportunistic. If you’re interested in how a person spends their day, ask them that instead and let them decide which pieces of information to share.

At a networking event, instead of asking, “What do you do for a living?” try, “What’s your favourite part of your day?” Mine is going to the loo, obviously.

Do ask questions you’re genuinely interested in. 

Asking questions for questions sake can come off as fake. Ask questions you’re actually interested in hearing the answer to and you’ll find a more meaningful connection gets made.

At a dinner party, instead of asking, “Who do you know here?” try, “What’s your funniest memory with the host?”

Don’t ask closed questions.

It’s a big no no. Or a big yes yes. But either way, it’s a dead end for a conversation. Keep your questions (and your mind) open. And if you find that too hard, a sneaky “why” thrown in at the end of a sentence works a treat.

When meeting your partner's colleagues for the first time, instead of asking, “Do you listen to podcasts?” try, “What’s the latest podcast you couldn’t turn off? Why?”

Do listen.

Sounds like a no brainer, huh? Listening is more than just tilting your head to the side and staying quiet all while thinking of the next thing you’re going to say. Let them talk. Let them finish. Pause for a second. Maybe they have something else to add. Then continue the conversation based on what they just said. People are pretty interesting. Who knew! You did.

Don’t lie.

Now it’s your turn to do the talking. When they ask you questions, don’t try to make yourself sound more interesting/more accomplished/more anything. Because you’re already super neat, just as you are! Plus legend (and Instagram) has it that the most confident people are the ones who are comfortable in their own skin. Wear your softest, stretchiest pants if it helps.

If all else fails, send a crickets emoji. Or make real life cricket noises. They may not know how to respond, but it’ll give them something to talk about with the next person. 

Comment below your favourite small talk tips! Or any recent awkward social interactions (to make us feel better about our own).