Life’s what happens when you’re on the loo
We’re sharing real stories about the toilets that changed everything.
We talk all the time about how toilets change lives. They’re a big deal and there are so many reasons you should thank yours every day. But today, we thought we’d focus on the more unexpected ways toilets can be there for you in the most meaningful times of your life.
PS – Names have been changed to protect the identities of the incontinent.
Love that makes your stomach hurt
“It had been a long time since I was on a first date, let alone a second. I invited Daniel back to my place for a drink after dinner, which felt very bold at the time. About 10 minutes after we got there, I felt terrible stomach pains. You know the stomach pains I’m talking about. I told him I wasn’t feeling well, but then he insisted on staying and helping me to bed. I tried to hurry him out, but by that time it was too late – I needed the bathroom. I don’t want to think about the things he heard. But when I got out, he was hysterically laughing and offered to walk my dog for me. He made me feel immediately comfortable in the most uncomfortable situation. We’re getting married next summer – I kind of fell in love on the toilet.” – Vanessa G.
Say yes to the loo
“When my sister got engaged, she told everyone that she wanted a small wedding. I think the word ‘backyard’ was thrown around a few times. In the midst of planning, the wedding kept getting more and more elaborate, to the point that there were tears over what silverware the caterer provided. All of the bridesmaids ended up in these awful matchy-matchy dresses. Mine hardly even fit. At the end of the night, I was so fed up with the whole affair, I tried to flush my dress down the toilet. I’m not proud of that, but after a night of drinking and a year of midnight phone calls regarding centrepieces, it seemed like the only option.” – Kate O.
Starting off on the right wee
“First of all, I always take a mental note of my first wee on the new year. I don’t know why, but it feels really important. But I think the better story is when I was offered my first real job. I was in a conference room on what seemed like the 42nd round of interviews when the panel said I’d gotten the job. Instead of saying, ‘thank you,’ I asked where the loo was. I walked in, sat on the closed toilet and whispered ‘you did it!’ repeatedly to myself for a solid 60 seconds. Coincidentally, that toilet’s also where I cried at work for the first time, but that was a few months later.” – Lori G.
The life of the potty
“It was the first birthday party I threw for myself after university and I was very worried about seeming like a real adult. I must have spent an hour arranging a charcuterie board. With all my nerves, I didn’t remember to eat dinner and I started drinking. Early. By the time my first guests arrived, I was laying in the bathtub with my head hung over the loo. I just stayed there all night while my flatmate ushered people in to greet me like I was The Godfather. I’d thank them for coming, tell them where to find the fancy mixed nuts, etc. When the room stopped spinning, I went to bed. People still talk about how fun that party was, by the way.” – Ashton C.
A new life from the loo
“I didn’t think I could have kids, mostly because that’s what a doctor said to Jason and I right after we got married. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself looking at a positive pregnancy test in a Target bathroom stall. It was like I sat on the toilet and my whole life changed. In my state of shock, I went to the children’s department to buy a onesie. What else was I going to do?” – Jessica C.
A toilet is the best company
“When I saw that scene in Mean Girls where Cady Heron eats lunch on the toilet, I was convinced that Tina Fey plagiarised my life. Because that’s what I did on the first day of high school. Is this going to make people feel bad for me? Look, it was only that one day. Then I ended up becoming friends with this girl, Natalie, in biology and we ate together for the rest of the year. Because our lunch period was right after class. We still keep in touch – she works at a feminist bookstore in Montreal now.” – Michael D.
Making it to the bathroom is a workout
“I was on the soccer team in 4th grade and our coach made a really big deal about brotherhood, teamwork and being there for each other. He gave a little speech about it at the end of every practice. Just keep that in mind. Anyway, it was the last game of the season and in the second half I really had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to leave the field because I thought that’d be letting my team down. It kept getting worse, but the game was nearly finished. Finally, when it was over, I ran to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and pooped right in front of the toilet. Not in it, in front of it. I was so close, it was devastating. Also, our team lost. But I learned a lot about sportsmanship!” – Tom T.
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