Help, I’ve turned into my dog

This is quite a time to be alive, especially if you’re a dog.  With humans home more than ever before, dogs across the world are beside themselves with happiness. One dog even sprained his tail from so much wagging.

I’ve always related to dogs. I’m probably more like a dog than most people – I’m loyal, forgetful and my feet smell like corn chips. My dog, Cosmo, and I are particularly similar. For example, we both have anxiety and cucumbers are our favourite vegetable. But after two weeks of social distancing, I think we may officially be the same person. Or the same dog, rather.

I’m only mildly concerned that I’ve gone full canine in a mere fortnight. After all, there are much more concerning things at paw. Still, I just wanted to check in – have I lost it? Is anyone else feeling particularly dogly?

I love walks

I cannot wait to go out. I get to breathe in new air, get some exercise and look at stuff that’s not in my house. Have you been on a walk lately? It’s incredible out there.

I’ve gotten very accustomed to my naps

I used to make fun of Cosmo for sleeping 16 hours a day. Now I struggle without my daily nap. Turns out, doing nothing is super exhausting! I definitely owe Cosmo an apology.

My hair is matted

Let’s just say both Cosmo and I could use a trip to the groomer’s.

I smell interesting

I decided to use this time away from humans to finally make the switch to natural deodorant. Let me tell you, the detox period is real. I’m not smelly in the traditional sense, it’s more nuanced. Like how dogs don’t exactly smell bad…it’s just specific.

Screens have lost their meaning

Did you know that some dogs watch TV and others don’t? Cosmo doesn’t get it. And at this point, neither do I. I’ve spent so much time looking at screens that I’ve lost the ability to actually pay attention to what’s happening on them. I couldn’t even get through that Tiger King documentary everyone’s talking about.

“Is anyone else feeling particularly dogly?”

Dinner is my everything

Since I’ve been cooped up at home, deciding what to eat is the most excitingly dramatic moment of my day. I’m living for the “will she, won’t she” moment of standing in my pantry, holding a brand new jar of pesto.

I love the sunny spot on the bed

It shouldn’t have taken a global crisis to realise I enjoy laying in the sun, but here we are. I should share the spot with Cosmo, but he’s had it for all this time. It’s my turn now.

Sudden noises freak me out

Since the outdoors have been so quiet, I’ve reached peak jumpiness. I accidentally dropped a pot on the kitchen floor, and I swear my ears were ringing for at least a minute. I had half a mind to hide under the bed.

I refuse to wear anything constricting

I regret the number of times I’ve made Cosmo wear a sweater in the name of fashion. I get it now, real clothes are dumb. If I don’t have enough mobility to do a full squat and flail my arms, I’m just not wearing it anymore.

I want some street food

Ok, not literally food on the street (that’s Cosmo’s fave). It’s just that I’ve eaten some variation of toast, hummus and pasta for the past two weeks and I’d love to eat something from the outside world.

Woof woof

Grrr bark boof, snort snort sneeze. Woof cough sniff woof bark bark scoot, you know?