14 inner monologues that prove you’re an official adult
Which soup should I get? This can is cheaper, but the other one is bigger. But that one is organic. Ugh, but it’s tomato. Acid reflux much!?
Look at all of these cords! You know what would be nice? If I got one of those cord detanglers. I saw some that looked like sloths. Hehe, sloths. They’re so darling.
Where’s that one reusable bag? The good one. It’s probably in my bag of bags? I swear it was in that big bag. You know, the one with all the bags. Who would move my bags?!
Did I just tell my child that I’m counting to 5? When did I become my mother? Next thing you know, I’ll have her chin hair. OH MY GOD, WHAT’S ON MY CHIN?
Don’t panic, but some dye may have run on your white guest towels. It’s going to be ok. Just make sure it didn’t transfer to the matching hand cloths. Deep breaths.
I think my plants might be the most stable relationship in my life.
Does this babysitter think I’m lame? Why is she texting? Is she texting about me? Does she know I’m still standing here? Oh that reminds me, I have to get cash out to pay her.
I could really use a drill right now. Oh wait, that’s no problem because I HAVE A LITERAL TOOLBOX.
It would be so nice to get the old group together again. You know what? I think I’ll organise a cute little Zoom call. With wine! I’ll get started on the e-vite this afternoon.
Look at me, folding my pyjamas.
I don’t need a plumber to help me, no sir. Just gonna roll up my sleeve and stick my hand in the dishwasher drain. I can unclog anything. I’m amazing.
Wow, this cake sure is delicious. Now that I’ve had a slice I should put it away and save the rest for tomorrow. And that’s exactly what I’ll do. I will not finish the whole thing in one sitting.
I have no idea what that young person is saying. When did this happen? I used to be so hip. Do you think they can tell I’m lost? Should I stop smiling?
Oh my! I’m running low on toilet paper. Better listen to those emergency rolls at the bottom on my Who Gives A Crap box and reorder! Wouldn’t want to be caught with my pants down! LOL I LOVE PUNS.
